savagemama: Shifting sands

Seth and I have been talking a lot about shifting sands. We’ve been talking about our house in Arlee, the mountains there. The new fence. The driveway that needs repair. We’ve been talking about how much we miss it.

We’ve been talking about the mortgage industry, the battering we took trying to buy a house in Missoula. We’ve been talking about Dan, Chris and Steve and how all mortgage lenders seem to have one-syllable names, Blackberries that constantly buzz and a bag full of promises. We’ve been talking about was it worth it.

We’ve been talking about meningitis. Six months after it landed me in the hospital, we are uttering the words: could have died.

We’ve been talking about a new year, a fresh start. We’ve been talking about hope and confidence and a new take on stability. We’ve been talking about taking deep breaths and actually letting them out.

And we’ve been doing all of this talking over the chatter of our three-year-old, the sweet bleating of our 19-month-old.

We talk over their heads and tell Eliza, “Mama and daddy need to talk too.” Read More »